The cause of my anxiety is pretty clear. Over five years ago, I got into a minor accident in a pharmacy parking lot. I, along with several other cars, were inching along looking for a parking space. Well, the car in front of me stopped suddenly and put on her reverse lights. I assumed that the woman changed her mind about taking a spot she had already passed. By the time I looked to see if I could back up for her, which I could not because there were cars behind me, she already backed right into me. I had assumed that she would wait for me to back up and it never occurred to me that she would just go in reverse without even looking behind her.
This was by no means a major accident. Luckily I was not hurt, but my car did receive some damage. My bumper was all misaligned and there was paint loss. My Dad worked for my auto insurance company at the time, so that was a big help. What would have been more helpful was if I was not alone when it all happened and if I had an expert like auto body columbus to give me guidance.
Ever since this little accident, I have been stricken with anxiety every time I even think about getting behind the wheel. I have only driven when I absolutely had to. I think it's because I feel like I have so little control over the other drivers' actions and decisions. Two things worsened my anxiety. After I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease, I started to suffer from muscle weakness which dulled my reflexes. The other thing was that we had our first child. Suddenly I was even more worried . . . worried that I would not be able to transport my children from one place to another in a car safely.
I'm choosing to write about this now because I know I'll have to conquer my fears soon. Someday we will be able to afford a second car plus the children will be older. They'll be going to different schools, play dates, and scheduled activities. It is inevitable.
There! That was the first step. I admitted in publicly that I have this fear and it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. I hope the next step, whatever it is, will be just as easy.
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